


Zabimaru's Complaint

by junko



Series: Curse of the Nue [16]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-15
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 05:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Renji realizes he's growing afraid of Byakuya, Zabimaru offers advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zabimaru's Complaint

Renji lay in his quarters staring at the ceiling, wondering if he should have gone after Byakuya to apologize. Renji hadn’t been aiming for him, but somehow Zabimaru slipped from his control and smashed the railing mere inches from where the captain had been standing. Byakuya had retreated back into his room in a huff, clearly ticked off. Renji should probably have followed after, and explain how it had been an accident and offer to make amends.

But, damn it, if he hadn’t been seized by fear again. 

Renji’s first impulse had been to run.

He just couldn’t bear the thought of ending up on his knees, groveling, begging for forgiveness.

Again.

Now, watching the moonlight chase shadows through the cracks on the ceiling, he felt like a coward.

It wasn’t too late. He could pull himself off this cot and go upstairs. The captain’s quarters was only a matter of feet away; he just had to get up and take those few steps.

Closing his eyes to gather the necessary strength, he felt something snuffling his forehead. Something bristled against him like the snout of some great animal. Hot breath seemed to test his scent.

Renji cracked open an eye to see fangs—giant, yellowed teeth and the intelligent eye of an albino baboon staring down at him. A white snake slithered into view, its black, lidless eyes glittering in the darkness.

He supposed he should be freaked out to see the manifestation of a demon crouching over him, but Renji just asked, “And what do you have to say for yourself, huh? What the hell happened back there?”

The nue set a huge, heavy paw down on Renji’s cot, making the wood creak under its weight. Then, it shifted to lay its head down beside Renji’s pillow. Something about its pose made Renji sit up on an elbow so he could reach out and scratch the rough fur behind its ear. Renji was never sure what would happen when he touched Zabimaru's manifestation, but his fingers felt skin beneath fur and even worried out flakes of dander. The giant beast's hide rose and fell with each huffing breath. Nothing about it seemed imaginary or fantastic, instead, it was as if a real demon had come into his room and settled down beside him. “We don’t like him,” grumbled the deep voice of the baboon. “He keeps you from us.”

“And he scares you,” the snake tail hissed unhappily.

“He does not,” Renji insisted, but it was easy to read the skepticism in the near-human-like expression on the baboon’s face. Renji shrugged and returned to scratching the thick fur, “Alright, fine. But, it doesn’t mean you should bite him. He’s still my captain.”

They sat together like that in silence for a while, with Renji absently petting Zabimaru. In the moonlight, the dark stripes on its shoulders drew Renji's eyes. Even though it had always been intentional, he was struck by the similarity to his own tattoos.

“You know what’s funny,” Renji said after a while. “You’re the one who encouraged me, back when I thought he was too much work.”

“Hmm,” the baboon-demon grunted, his eyes half closed, clearly enjoying the scritches. 

“He could still be redeemed,” the snake said quietly. It had come around to lay its narrow, arrow-shaped head against Renji’s forearm. Its scales were surprisingly soft against his skin.

“ _You_ would like him,” Renji teased the snake lightly. “He's as cold-blooded as a snake.”

The snake hissed at that, showing fang and forked tongue.

The demon shook its baboon head, “No, Byakuya Kuchiki’s blood is hot, like lava. But, like a volcano, it rages under the surface.”

“What?” Renji asked incredulously. “Are we talking about the same person? What makes you say that?”

“Senbonzakura,” the tail said, its voice drawing out the ‘s’ sounds. “They sing of it.”

“It’s why we’re attracted to him,” the demon said, his voice a low rumble. “He’s more like us than he knows.”

Renji lay back down, resting his head against the warm flank of the beast, “Really? So why is he so fucked-up now?”

“You know why,” the demon said, shifting to curl around Renji.

“Grief,” Renji said. “Grief broke him.”

“Yes,” agreed the snake, slithering across Renji’s shoulder to press its head up under his chin, close to his throat. Its tongue tickled as it flicked in and out. “It’s up to us to fix him.”

“We can’t do that if you’re scared of him,” the demon said. “We can’t do that if he hates us. Go now,” a head butt gently against Renji’s, encouraging, “Make love to him. Draw him back to us.”

“I don’t know,” Renji said, liking the idea, but still hesitating. “We’ve never actually made _love_.”

“Don’t you think it’s time then?”

Zabimaru chose that moment to fade, leaving Renji’s head to fall a few inches to the pillow.

#

Byakuya was awake when the rice paper door slid open softly. He held his breath as Renji approached. Renji stood at his side of the bed and slowly undressed. The moonlight afforded only tantalizing images, silver light illuminating taut muscle and dark stripe of tattoo. When Renji reached up to unbind his hair, Byakuya felt himself stirred at the image of those wild, rusty locks tumbling down.

Renji crawled in beside him, nose nuzzling up to Byakuya’s ear. His voice was low, husky, as he said, “I’m going to make love to you, nice and easy-like. Don’t screw this up by holding me down. No fucking power plays, got it? And no kidō.”

The thrill that quivered deep inside him at hearing the commanding tone in Renji’s voice surprised Byakuya. It was difficult to keep his breath from hitching as he nodded, “Very well.”

Renji propped himself up to look down at him. Renji seemed to be looking for something for a moment and so Byakuya allowed their eyes to meet, hoping his gaze could say what he could not. Renji must have seen something he liked, because he smiled. Fingers lightly touched Byakuya’s hair, gently smoothing it away from his face. Byakuya closed his eyes, delighting in the sensation of such rough, calloused hands moving so carefully, tenderly.

Soft kisses brushed his forehead, his eyes—Byakuya took in a sudden, sharp breath. 

_Love_.

_‘What if I told you I loved you?’_

“Renji, wait…” Byakuya started, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the truth: _I’m not ready for this_.

Dutifully, Renji pulled back, but his voice was disappointed, sad. “You won’t even let me kiss you? Goddamn it, Byakuya. Would it really kill you just to let go for five minutes?”

Byakuya’s voice was barely a whisper and it came from someplace broken, deep inside, “You have no idea.”

“No, I don’t,” Renji agreed sympathetically, his fingers twining in hair absently. His lips dipped down to tickle ear, sending shivers up Byakuya’s spine, “But you could let me take it from you for a little while. We could bear the burden together.”

Byakuya shook his head mutely. How could he explain that the crushing weight of his pain made opening up, even a tiny bit, impossible? If he let even a drop of it out, it would flood everything, drowned them all.

Renji dipped his head as though in defeat, his long hair brushing against Byakuya’s bare skin. “Alright,” he sighed. “I’ll go. I don’t know what Zabimaru was thinking, anyway. I can’t fix this. I don’t even understand it.”

He started to pull away, but Byakuya reached out, grabbing his arm. “Stay,” he said, and then because he felt Renji stiffen under his grip, added quietly, “Please.”

Renji hesitated, his head still bowed. Then he let out a little grunt of a laugh, “‘Please,’ huh? That’s a start.”

Byakuya would have bristled at being reproached like that, except Renji rolled back and slipped his arms around him. He pulled Byakuya tightly against broad chest. Such warmth. And how completely he was embraced! Support and strength flowed from Renji surrounding Byakuya in a cocoon of safety. Yet, it was suddenly difficult to breathe… it was as though Byakuya was suffocating from so much—

 _Love_.

He put his hands on Renji’s chest, intending to push him away, but he stopped himself with effort. This is what he’d wanted, for Renji to stay and hold him. He had to find a way to accept it.

#

Renji couldn’t fucking believe it; Byakuya was struggling against a hug. What was wrong with this guy that he couldn’t even accept simple affection? Renji loosened his grip slightly, but didn’t let go. He was rewarded with a soft sigh of relief from Byakuya.

Make love? Zabimaru was out of his demonic mind. They could barely make _like_.

But Byakuya had managed to ask him to stay at least somewhat nicely. So he’d try it. Renji did always love when Byakuya’s head was tucked up against him like this, his hair just under Renji’s nose. His breath warm against skin. That damn intoxicating smell of him, too, which filled the air with a combination of man and jasmine. Renji could almost let himself sleep, but Byakuya’s breathing was so ragged and rough against his skin. What was he fighting? Was he desperately holding something in or trying to get it out?

“It’s okay,” Renji whispered, letting his fingers trail along the silk at Byakuya’s back. “I’ve got you.”

Renji wasn’t sure if he’d said the right thing or the wrong one by the choking sound that escaped Byakuya’s lips. But, rather than pull away, Byakuya buried his head deeper against Renji’s chest. 

Renji curled his hand around the back of Byakuya’s head and continued to tell him that everything would be alright.

At some point Byakuya must have believed him, because he finally drifted to sleep.

Renji stayed awake most of the night, cradling Byakuya lovingly, stroking his hair, his skin, his body. He spent the whole time thinking, trying to wrap his mind around all the conflicting emotions Byakuya inspired in him. Some time just before light began to break on the horizon, Renji was left with a single thought. “I wish…” he muttered, “I wish you could let me in, let me touch you.”

Byakuya stirred at the sound of Renji's voice. “Hmmm?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Go back to sleep, Byakuya.”

“Ah,” Byakuya said, with a strange sort of happy sigh. “It’s nice to hear you finally use my name for something other than a curse.”

Renji laughed a little. “Yeah, well, maybe it'd happen more often if you stopped being such a prick.”

“Hmmm,” he said, stretching a little with a deep, relaxed yawn. “I’ll see what I can do.”

He rolled over onto his other side, turning his back on Renji. But Renji knew it wasn’t a brush off, so much as a preferred position. So he just chuckled and spooned up against Byakuya. Snuggled up like that—warm, familiar, and comfortable—Renji finally drifted to sleep.

#

Renji woke up to the sensation of being glared at. With the intense, irritated scrutiny of the feeling, it could only be Byakuya. Only Renji couldn’t figure out what he’d done to provoke the glare this early in the morning. “Was I snoring or something?”

“Last night,” Byakuya said without preamble, “did you imply coming to my room was Zabimaru’s idea?”

Renji rolled over and looked at up to where Byakuya sat on his side of the bed. His legs were draped over the side, and his arms were crossed under the fabric of his billowing sleeves. The captain wore the sea-green robe he’d worn to bed. It had yellow and orange koi splashing along cuffs and hems in a pattern that made them seem to be leaping in and out of the water. Byakuya’s hair was the gorgeous tumble it was before comb and kenseikan, but his face was already pinched and remote. 

“Yeah,” Renji said. “It was.”

“This after what it did to the railing?”

Renji stretched out until his back popped. “Oh, yeah, I should make sure to requisition a maintenance visit. In the meantime, I can probably rig up something—at least pull out the torn up bits of—“

“Renji,” Byakuya cut him off sharply. “Why did Zabimaru suggest you come here after he nearly took my head off?”

“He wasn’t going for your _head_ , Taicho. Jeez,” Renji said with a roll of his eyes. Sitting up, he pulled the hair away from his face with his hands, “And anyway, he’s always liked you. Sometimes more than I do.”

Byakuya turned away, looking out the window. “I’m not sure I appreciate the affection of a demon.”

“It’s pretty fucking clear you don’t,” Renji said, the words tumbling out unthinkingly. Before Byakuya could say anything, Renji raised his hand to stop any tirade or angry comeback. He turned to pull himself up out of bed. “Forget I said that. Just let me get dressed and get out of here while we both still like each other, okay?”

“I ordered breakfast for two.”

He had? Even though he started off with fighting words? Renji sighed as he picked up his hakama. “You make my head hurt.”

“Indeed.”


End file.
